Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
