I want you more than these girls want KFC
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
