You made me cry and you don't even care
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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