ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
