if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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