when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
