can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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