oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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