Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize