I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
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You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
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I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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