Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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