She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
