He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
