apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
