my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
