He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
