From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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