She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
