apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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