there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
