The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Come share oat with me in your robe
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
