after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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