This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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