The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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