I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
