I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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