i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
