wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
