is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
