you guys were way drunker than both of me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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