I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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