I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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