Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
