Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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