Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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