dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
smell my finger.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
