do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
