You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
