Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
