Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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