Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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