remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
