This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
