I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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