So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I looked at my own cervix.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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