1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
