I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
