Soap is not a condiment
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
