Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
