I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
