Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.