Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number

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  (586): Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number http://tfl.nu/4mkf
  Replies (5) Good night (2041) Bad night (623)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Prob not but she was surprised

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  (773): When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate" (312): Prob not but she was surprised http://tfl.nu/a9jx
  Replies (2) Good night (1829) Bad night (751)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.

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  (978): I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it. http://tfl.nu/p2ch
  Replies (4) Good night (2855) Bad night (679)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"

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  (862): you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen" http://tfl.nu/7vz2
  Replies (14) Good night (5840) Bad night (855)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.

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  (239): I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night. http://tfl.nu/hh8b
  Replies (11) Good night (1460) Bad night (3753)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."

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  (267): Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too." http://tfl.nu/ac9x
  Replies (4) Good night (2731) Bad night (1109)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.

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  (248): Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers. http://tfl.nu/psr6
  Replies (4) Good night (2374) Bad night (1185)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street.  Hello 29...

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  (614): Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. ?Hello 29... http://tfl.nu/5t6y
  Replies (3) Good night (801) Bad night (1239)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.

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  (917): Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up. http://tfl.nu/5qka
  Replies (14) Good night (2167) Bad night (841)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?

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  (480): So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast? http://tfl.nu/qa47
  Replies (3) Good night (1130) Bad night (658)
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.

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  (228): Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high. http://tfl.nu/9q6n
  Replies (3) Good night (1146) Bad night (453)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?

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  (203): He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem? http://tfl.nu/53aj
  Replies (10) Good night (455) Bad night (1146)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  All's fair in love and war. and tinder.

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  (574): All's fair in love and war. and tinder. http://tfl.nu/9qeo
  Replies (0) Good night (435) Bad night (365)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?

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  (317): Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life? http://tfl.nu/hpvf
  Replies (3) Good night (648) Bad night (333)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"

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  (401): Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research" http://tfl.nu/jhke
  Replies (1) Good night (422) Bad night (173)

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