It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS