When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Randomize
