the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
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His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
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after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.