When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
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I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
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It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.