If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.