It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
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we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.