The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
