He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
