Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
