But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
