On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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