I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
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it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
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no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize