We won't sleep together?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
